July’s Final Glory (From a Q&A Point of View)

Q: What’s your favorite Summer food?
A: I don’t have a favorite Summer food, actually. I like ribs, but I eat those year-round. It’s true that most people consider them Summer food and holiday food (Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day), but I do not. Ask me about my favorite Fall food in a few months. I definitely have an opinion on Fall food.

Q: What’s the funniest thing that has ever happened to you in a hospital?
A: I picked this question because I was UN-happily in the hospital this week and will be in the hospital again next week. This happened over five years ago. I was being examined for a tumor in my abdomen by a cancer/surgeon specialist. I was laying on my back on the examination table in my underwear. He had brought in another doctor for a second opinion because my situation was so rare (not serious — just odd, really) that he wanted to make sure that he was on the right track. The tumor was under my navel and he had been feeling around and he turned to look at the other doctor while he talked to him. He was focused on the topic and absentmindedly (I’m sure) move his hand onto my crotch and rested it there while he told the other doctor what he suspected. His conversation dragged out. After a minute or so, when he finally paused in his dialogue, I said “Doctor if you are going to keep your hand there much longer, I’m going to expect at least dinner.” His colleague cracked up. I cracked up. My doctor? Not so much. I guess I really embarrassed him. Sadly, I did not get dinner.

Q: What song recently have you so gotten into that you’ve played it over and over?
A: Well, I love the song “I Can Dream, Can’t I?” so much that I’ve collected multiple versions of it on my PC and iPod by Danny Aiello, The Andrew Sisters, (Mama) Cass Elliot, and Michael Feinstein. I often listen to all the versions back to back. I also really like “Haven’t Met You Yet” and have favorited YouTube videos by Michael Buble and Ben Sharkey. Both these songs evoke romantic, up-beat emotions in me and make me feel good every time I hear them and I listen to them both a couple of times a week.

Q: What exactly was that hideous giant green spider incident you mentioned in a previous Q&A post?
A: Every year many years ago, I would plant seeds and bulbs behind my porch — mostly dahlias and carnations. Once they started blooming, en masse, I would go out every few days and cut bouquets for my house and to take to work. One beautiful spring day I was out harvesting a batch of dahlias — double-dahlias — huge, gorgeous blooms. The birds were singing, butterflies were fluttering around the flowers, my cats were bad-mouthing me from the bedroom window because I was out and they weren’t — it was a perfect spring day. I felt good. As I stood next to a particularly tall bunch of dahlias wondering which final one or two to cut, a large monarch butterfly flitted above the dahlia right in front of me. Suddenly, from under the frickin’ dahlia, this huge green spider — with a body that had to be at least an inch-and-a-half long (if not two-inches) — skitters up onto the top of the dahlia, stands up on its four hind-legs, and snatches the god damn butterfly right out of the air and disappears back under the dahlia with it. I have the hugest, most uncontrollable phobia about spiders of anyone in the entire cosmos. I don’t quite remember much right after that point. I dropped the shears. I dropped the flowers I had in my hand. I screamed something profound (I’m sure). I ran for it. Actually, that was the last time I ever did anything with flower harvesting for years. That patch of dahlias and carnations died because I wouldn’t even water them anymore. Now I grow roses in the front and admire them from a far. Honestly, now — today — I would not have acted so childishly. Yes, I would have screamed. But instead of dropping everything, I would have tossed it (hey — there’s a big difference). And instead of avoiding the flower garden and letting it die a slow painful death unwatered, I would have gone in and gotten my bazooka and rendered the entire back yard to rubble. Now that’s way more mature and manly, no?

Q: What are “must haves” for the perfect home in your opinion?
A: I have a definite opinion on this, but there is only really one “must have” and that is a washer and dryer. I think I would hand-wash my clothes in the kitchen sink before I would ever revert back to the old days of going to a laundromat — even a communal apartment one. Beyond that, it’s really “must wants” for me — not “must haves”. A fireplace — I’ve always wanted a real fire place. A garage (a real one — not just a fancy carport) that has a connected entrance directly to my house. A large window in at least one room that has a splendid view of either garden grounds or a pool area. A deep and wide bath tub. And, finally, maybe a split-level home — one that you go up a few steps to get to this room, or down a few steps to get to that room. Now if I can just get all of that into a one-bedroom home or flat for under $1,000 a month.