July’s Final Glory (From a Q&A Point of View)

Q: What’s your favorite Summer food?
A: I don’t have a favorite Summer food, actually. I like ribs, but I eat those year-round. It’s true that most people consider them Summer food and holiday food (Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day), but I do not. Ask me about my favorite Fall food in a few months. I definitely have an opinion on Fall food.

Q: What’s the funniest thing that has ever happened to you in a hospital?
A: I picked this question because I was UN-happily in the hospital this week and will be in the hospital again next week. This happened over five years ago. I was being examined for a tumor in my abdomen by a cancer/surgeon specialist. I was laying on my back on the examination table in my underwear. He had brought in another doctor for a second opinion because my situation was so rare (not serious — just odd, really) that he wanted to make sure that he was on the right track. The tumor was under my navel and he had been feeling around and he turned to look at the other doctor while he talked to him. He was focused on the topic and absentmindedly (I’m sure) move his hand onto my crotch and rested it there while he told the other doctor what he suspected. His conversation dragged out. After a minute or so, when he finally paused in his dialogue, I said “Doctor if you are going to keep your hand there much longer, I’m going to expect at least dinner.” His colleague cracked up. I cracked up. My doctor? Not so much. I guess I really embarrassed him. Sadly, I did not get dinner.

Q: What song recently have you so gotten into that you’ve played it over and over?
A: Well, I love the song “I Can Dream, Can’t I?” so much that I’ve collected multiple versions of it on my PC and iPod by Danny Aiello, The Andrew Sisters, (Mama) Cass Elliot, and Michael Feinstein. I often listen to all the versions back to back. I also really like “Haven’t Met You Yet” and have favorited YouTube videos by Michael Buble and Ben Sharkey. Both these songs evoke romantic, up-beat emotions in me and make me feel good every time I hear them and I listen to them both a couple of times a week.

Q: What exactly was that hideous giant green spider incident you mentioned in a previous Q&A post?
A: Every year many years ago, I would plant seeds and bulbs behind my porch — mostly dahlias and carnations. Once they started blooming, en masse, I would go out every few days and cut bouquets for my house and to take to work. One beautiful spring day I was out harvesting a batch of dahlias — double-dahlias — huge, gorgeous blooms. The birds were singing, butterflies were fluttering around the flowers, my cats were bad-mouthing me from the bedroom window because I was out and they weren’t — it was a perfect spring day. I felt good. As I stood next to a particularly tall bunch of dahlias wondering which final one or two to cut, a large monarch butterfly flitted above the dahlia right in front of me. Suddenly, from under the frickin’ dahlia, this huge green spider — with a body that had to be at least an inch-and-a-half long (if not two-inches) — skitters up onto the top of the dahlia, stands up on its four hind-legs, and snatches the god damn butterfly right out of the air and disappears back under the dahlia with it. I have the hugest, most uncontrollable phobia about spiders of anyone in the entire cosmos. I don’t quite remember much right after that point. I dropped the shears. I dropped the flowers I had in my hand. I screamed something profound (I’m sure). I ran for it. Actually, that was the last time I ever did anything with flower harvesting for years. That patch of dahlias and carnations died because I wouldn’t even water them anymore. Now I grow roses in the front and admire them from a far. Honestly, now — today — I would not have acted so childishly. Yes, I would have screamed. But instead of dropping everything, I would have tossed it (hey — there’s a big difference). And instead of avoiding the flower garden and letting it die a slow painful death unwatered, I would have gone in and gotten my bazooka and rendered the entire back yard to rubble. Now that’s way more mature and manly, no?

Q: What are “must haves” for the perfect home in your opinion?
A: I have a definite opinion on this, but there is only really one “must have” and that is a washer and dryer. I think I would hand-wash my clothes in the kitchen sink before I would ever revert back to the old days of going to a laundromat — even a communal apartment one. Beyond that, it’s really “must wants” for me — not “must haves”. A fireplace — I’ve always wanted a real fire place. A garage (a real one — not just a fancy carport) that has a connected entrance directly to my house. A large window in at least one room that has a splendid view of either garden grounds or a pool area. A deep and wide bath tub. And, finally, maybe a split-level home — one that you go up a few steps to get to this room, or down a few steps to get to that room. Now if I can just get all of that into a one-bedroom home or flat for under $1,000 a month. ;)

July 30, 2010  Tags:   Posted in: Potpourri for $400  No Comments

Cryptogram Poem: Fourth Stanza

Solve the cryptograms below to find the clues for fifteen words. Solve each clue to find fifteen specific words. Place the fifteen words in the proper spaces below to create the fourth stanza of a poem. Check out the Ultimate Solutions Page for the solution when you think you have it. (All poems on this site are copyrighted by Phil McCrum.)

The _____ ____, the ________ _____,
Of _____ and _______ and _____!
__ ____ the ______ the ______ ____
____ __________ of ______.

CLUES…

#01 N sinqfbisiel mx tmj uiir qmsiltyed yq nq jizz nq mwwnqymenzzo rbmxfeuylo neu uyqlnewi. Tibi yl yq ye rzfbnz xmbs.

#02 Ye siuyipnz Dnizyw neu Gbylyqt wfzlfbi n rbmxiqqymenz rmil, isrzmoiu go n rnlbme, qfwt nq n smenbwt mb emgzisne, lm wmssismbnli lti rnlbme’q newiqlmbq neu lm rbnyqi lti rnlbme’q mje nwlypylyiq.

#03 N siuyipnz qyedib, sfqywyne, mb rmil jtm lbnpiziu xbms rznwi lm rznwi dypyed gmlt rfgzyw neu rbypnli ribxmbsnewiq.

#04 Ltyq jmbu fqiu nq n pibg sineq lm tnpi nqwieuiu, gfl nq ne nukiwlypi yl uiqwbygiq n wmzmb, neu nq n emfe yl yq n xzmjib.

#05 Ltyq yq nemltib rbirmqylyme fqiu lm yepmzpi mb nqqmwynli ljm mb smbi ylisq mb rimrzi.

#06 Ltiqi wne gi fqiu lm lbneqrmbl zycfyuq, xmb qsmayed, neu n qil mx ltis wne snai sfqyw.

#07 Rfrrilq eiiu ltiqi, gfl xmb ipibomei izqi yl’q fqfnzzo dmmu lm eml tnpi ltis nllnwtiu.

#08 Yl’q n qin-ltisiu wmzmb ltnl yq fqfnzzo nqqmwynliu jylt ryea, biu, mb pibsyzzyme.

#09 Ltyq wne gi fqiu lm snai qriiwt mb qmed neu nzqm bixibq lm tnpyed yerfl mb ne mryeyme.

#10 Omf wne dypi ltyq, gi ltyq, mb ltbmj ltyq. Qmsilysiq lysi neu ipie lti snbail yq yepmzpiu.

#11 Qmsiltyed qriwlnwfznb neu wne nzqm gi icfypnziel lm 1000.

#12 N emfe sineyed lm tnpi lti ngyzylo lm tnpi mrlymeq. Yl wne nzqm bixib lm lti cfnzylo mx sinl.

#13 Ltyq wne birbiqiel ne mbydye mb yl wne birbiqiel n bnedi mx lysi, ltyedq, mb nsmfelq. Yl’q n rbmrmqylyme.

#14 N soltywnz wbinlfbi mx lti qin mb n jmsne ensiu Iltiz — lnai omfb rywa.

#15 N lmmz — fqfnzzo siwtneywnz — ltnl wne gi nqqmwynliu jylt birnybq, sfqyw, siuywnz rfbqfylq, neu sfwt smbi.

July 26, 2010  Tags: , , ,   Posted in: Games and Puzzles  No Comments

Hot Questions / Muggy Answers for a Similar Kind of July!

Q:  What are five things that get you through the summer?
A:  Air conditioning — number one!  Cans of Spiders-Die-Like-The-Filthy-Pigs-That-You-Are Bug Spray (lots of them) — number two!  Islands as Sanctuary — number three!  Multiple showers throughout the day — number four!  Lack of clothing by others as titillating scenery enhancement — number five!

Q:  Do you stop and stoop to pick up change from the ground?
A:  Pennies — hell no.  Nickels — probably not.  Dimes — maybe.  Quarters and anything bigger — definitely!  I also never carry change — change is a bulgy pocket-ruiner.  When I am out and collect change from purchases, I come home and put it all into a piggy bank (literally — a copper piggy bank).  When the bank gets full, I take it all to the grocery store and turn it into a voucher — usually nets me around $40.

Q:  What’s more adorable — babies or puppies?
A:  Puppies, of course.  You come upon a puppy and it starts jumping and wagging and bouncing and squeaking because it is so happy to see you.  It wants you to hold it and pet it and it wants to cover you with licky kisses and it squirms in your arm for joy.  Puppies are happy merely to be in you presence and to hear your voice of approval.  Babies?  They stare at you — sizing you up.  What can they get out of you?  What can you do for them?  If nothing — they scream and cry. If you give them something they take it — then they scream and cry.  Puppies wake you up at night crying because they love you and are lonely.  Babies wake you up at night crying because they aren’t done using you yet.  Puppies grow up to be faithful companions.  Babies grow up turning on you at two’s, teen’s, and when you grow old.  I could go on… but I wont.

Q:  Seen any scary movies lately?
A:  I watched Re-Cycle, which is a movie from Thailand.  It is about a novelist who starts to write a novel about ghosts and things start to go weird around her flat.  She gets sucked into a nightmare world populated by undead and lost souls and spends the movie desperately trying to escape.  There were two scenes in the movie that gave me the willies.  One was an elevator scene.  I have had many nightmares over the years about getting into an elevator to go up and instead it plummets down into the dark.  When the doors finally open it is pitch black but I can hear things in the darkness coming for the elevator and I can’t make the doors close or the elevator ascend.  So the elevator scene in Re-Cycle hit home.  The other scene was a forest of hanged men that come down off their nooses to attack her.  They are zombies with elongnated necks and as they approach it gets darker and darker.  The scene was done pretty well.  Despite the fact that it was dubbed, I loved the movie.  It was very surreal (one of my favorite things) and had a couple of plot twists that just added to the overall enjoyment.

Q:  What is something that you really really wished would happen this week?
A:  I wish I would walk into a room somewhere — anywhere — and have someone see me, make eye contact, and light up like I was the most wonderful thing that could happen to them.  In my dreams, I guess.

July 23, 2010  Tags:   Posted in: Potpourri for $400  No Comments

Cryptogram Poem: Third Stanza

Solve the cryptograms below to find the clues for fifteen words.  Solve each clue to find fifteen specific words.  Place the fifteen words in the proper spaces below to create the third stanza of a poem.  Check out the Ultimate Solutions Page for the solution when you think you have it. (All poems on this site are copyrighted by Phil McCrum.)

The ________ ___ was ______ ____
And _____ was _______ ____.
When from the ____-________ _____ the _____
______ _____ the _____ ____!

CLUES…

#01  Y uejt nlyn tomsjgzom uebtojpqdbomm ugnl aemndw nlo myao zqn pouoj donnojm.

#02  Gp weq yjo tgqjbyd, nlob weq yjo sebmgtojot nlgm nwfo ep fojmeb.

#03  Tywdgkln, tjoyam, ybt aybw tomgjom yjo yduywm tegbk nlgm — y peja ep uybgbk.

#04  Peet, ueaob, ybt syjm syb kon nlgm tomgkbyngeb.

#05  Gp weq yjo besnqjbyd, nlob weq yjo sebmgtojot nlgm nwfo ep fojmeb.

#06  Nlo zyjeaonoj, weqj lefom, ybt nlo rydqo ep gbromnaobnm yjo yduywm tegbk nlgm.

#07  Fdysom, ngaom, ybt cbescm syb zo nlgm.

#08  Weq syb kgro gn ne meaoebo odmo, ej weq syb mqjp gn.

#09  Ulyn weq syb zoseao gp weq kon syqkln gb y feqjgbk jygb ugnleqn fjenosngeb.

#10  Weq syb sdgaz nlomo ej weq syb tomsjgzo y mqssommpqd fyjnw qmgbk nlo myao uejt.

#11  Meaonlgbk qmot ugnl hyjm ne fjomojro hya.  Ydme sgjsqm fojpejaojm.

#12  Ulyn weq tgt nlo dymn ngao weq qmot nlo flebo.  Ulyn lyffobot yn y kyao ulob gn ken jygbot eqn.

#13  Gn’m nlo effemgno ep “zysc” ybt Myddw epnob teom gn.

#14  Gn’m meaongaom jopojjot ne ym nlo hyto ep nlo moy ybt dgmnot ugnl moag-fjosgeqm mnebom orob nleqkl gn gm bognloj.

#15  Y Sodngs feon epnob agmnjoynot gb aetojb jedo-fdywgbk kyaom.

July 19, 2010  Tags: , , ,   Posted in: Games and Puzzles  No Comments

Halfway Thru July With More Half-baked Questions and Under-Done Answers.

Q: What Internet innovation or enhancement would you like to see implemented?
A: I’m on a lot of sites such as Flickr, Twitter, Youtube, Boardgame Geeks, CNN, weather, on and on. I go to these sites every day. But they are all over the place. This site doesn’t display well in Safari, but looks fabulous in Firefox. This site doesn’t automatically refresh periodically. That site has a partial interface to this other site, but it’s not “robust”. I want to be able to have specific information from all my daily sites in one spot. Actually, I want that spot to be my desktop. What ever happened to Microsoft’s Active Desktop? You could basically put a web page right on your desktop. That’s what I want. I want Active Desktop and then I want all my sites to have open APIs that are easily programmable — maybe a universal API. I want the functionality to have bits and pieces from each of my daily websites on my desktop — including my chat engines like MSN and Yahoo, fully customizable. I want the ability to decide which content, how much of it, how often it is accessed, and how it looks — all under my control — and all on my desktop. [I know that there are some "almost-but-no" software bits out there. Digsby is trying, but it's actually just an extra application and isn't very customizable yet (also sort of buggy). Yoono is too limited and not flexible enough. And Xobni is enabled through your Microsoft Outlook which is not want I want.]

Q: Have you ever taught a pet bird to talk, sing, or do a trick?
A: “Hello my baby! Hello my dolly! …” Oh, sorry… I went “away” for a minute. I didn’t specifically, but I did have one parakeet learn to do some amazing things. I used to have a little blue parakeet in a cage hanging from the ceiling between my kitchen and living room. My first cat Gwendolyn “adored” the bird — if you get my drift. When I went to work, I always left the radio on so that it would sound like someone was home. One Sunday morning I was sitting in the kitchen nook and I could hear the radio — this low-key background drone of musical notes mixed with announcer-talk. I got up and walked over to the radio absentmindedly and turned it off — except it was already off. It was then I realized the sound was coming from the bird cage. Months and months of daily background radio had taught the little fellow to make noises like a low-volume radio. Another event, occurred under similar circumstances. I was having dinner and reading a book at the kitchen nook and I kept hearing Gwendolyn (my cat) meowing. Without looking up, I was talking to her “What?”, “What does my girl want?” She kept meowing and I finally tore myself away from the book to deal with her persistence. All I saw was the little blue guy looking down at me through the bars of his cage. Our eyes met. “Meow!” he said. “Meow!”. Gwendolyn was fast asleep in the bedroom.

Q: What upcoming video game are you most looking forward to?
A: Well, in my dreams I can’t wait for the Elder Scrolls V to come out. But darkness covers my hopes like dirty canvas over a pile of shit… um, or something like that (but more poetic). Bethesda promised that they would begin Elder Scrolls V as soon as they had put Fallout 3 to bed. But years later they still seem to be doing content for Fallout 3 and talking about a possible Fallout 3 MMOG and the only information I find regarding Elder Scrolls V is two years old and on defunct fan sites. So, I guess I will state that I am really looking forward to Diablo 3 and hope that Blizzard doesn’t screw it up. Originally, I thought Diablo 1 was stupid — until I played it — then I loved it as I did Diablo 2 and almost every Diablo-like clone thereafter. I hope they stay true to the original style. Judging by the screen shots, they seem to be.

Q: Seen any sad movies lately?
A: Yeah. The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus was sad — not the movie by itself; but the fact that Heath Ledger died right in the middle of the making of the movie. It affected my ultimate level of emotion throughout the entire movie. It was very sad that such a fine actor and person died so young. It was clever, however, how they edited the film to insert Johnny Depp, Colin Ferrall, and Jude Law into the movie — removing Heath Ledger from the movie about half way through, without actually removing him from the movie. Life is too short no matter how long you live, no?

Q: Roses or Orchids?
A: Dahlias. I understand that roses are the symbol of love and beauty, and orchids a very expensive symbol of love and beauty. Rose bushes and orchid plants both provide gorgeous blooms. However, they are both extremely hard to plant and care for — orchids particularly being temperamental and touchy. Dahlias, on the other hand are extremely easy to care for. Many summers past, I used to just throw them into the ground, water every few days or so, and bam! — a yard of blooms — gigantic blooms. Not only gigantic, but also varied in color, shape, and size. I never had to prune, fertilize, or beg them to grow. At the end of the season, I simply walked away — having harvested scores of bouquets with little effort (if you ignore that hideous giant green spider incident). Dahlias sort of provide a cross-over between roses and orchids. They are more colorful than orchids (like roses), but they are more varied in shape and size (like orchids). And when it comes to cost and care — they are simply way easier than roses and orchids.

July 16, 2010  Tags:   Posted in: Potpourri for $400  No Comments

Cryptogram Poem: Second Stanza

Solve the cryptograms below to find the clues for fourteen words. Solve each clue to find fourteen specific words. Place the fourteen words in the proper spaces below to create the second stanza of a poem. Check out the Ultimate Solutions Page for the solution when you think you have it. (All poems on this site are copyrighted by Phil McCrum.)

________ in a _______ ___
So ____ and ______ they _____.
_____ ___ _____ the _________
____ ___ the _____ ____.

CLUES…

#01 Qrtz rn jt frdtamcb zoctc zoc nhkadg ucbqad rn xdk frxtzxh torbchadc.

#02 Zoat erbm jtjxhhk qcxdt xhauc, frhrbnjh, rb cdcbgczaf xdm frqct nbrq x Hxzad erbm qcxdadg “zr toxpc”.

#03 Krj fxd gcz hrtz ad az an az’t ixadzcm. Krj fxd gcz lhred zr az. Krj fxd lc zoc padg rn az.

#04 Fhrzoadg fxd lc zoat xt echh xt lrrq lrvct xdm fxb bxmart.

#05 Tabcdt, zbriafxh labmt, xdm rhm eauct xbc rnzcd zoat.

#06 Ec’uc xhh mrdc zoat ad zoc ixtz eocd txm.

#07 Jtcm ocbc xt x frdyjdfzard, zoat fxd xhtr lc jtcm xt x drjd zr admafxzc x icbarm rn zaqc rb xt x ucbl zr ixtt zaqc.

#08 Eocd krj xbcd’z dcxb, krj xbc zoat.

#09 Zoat fxd mctfbalc krjb bchxzardtoait zr mcfpt, ixb, xdm lchzt.

#10 Az’t drz bcxhhk x nato. Az’t xhtr drz bcxhhk trqczoadg krj erjhm tcbuc eazo zrxtz rb x hxql brxtz.

#11 Zoat at rnzcd mrdc ad Foadx xdm trjdmt hapc trqcrdc eor erjhm ecxb x hazzhc Nbcdfo rjznaz xdm fhcxd krjb icdzorjtc.

#12 Zoat fxd lc x gabh’t dxqc ljz at jtjxhhk rdc rn zoc tichhadgt nrb trqczoadg cdfoxdzcm rb nxabk-hapc.

#13 Jtcm ocbc xt xd xmycfzauc, zoat erbm ad azt brrz ucbl nrbq qcxdt zr nhre lxfp rb xexk.

#14 Zoc xnncfz zoc qrrd oxt rd xd rfcxd ljz drz ecbcerhuct.

July 12, 2010  Tags: , , ,   Posted in: Games and Puzzles  No Comments

July Weather Starts Out Lame — Just Like These Questions!

Q: What’s a habit that you used to have that was almost definitive of you and now you now longer have?
A: For decades, I was known by friends and co-workers as THE “Sweater Queen”. My bosses risked HR censure continuously by being politically incorrect about it. Even in summer I wore sweaters — usually sweater vests, but often full sweaters. I wore them 365 days of the year. It all had to do with low self-esteem (they helped cover my body) and my own nerdy sense of style. Suddenly… I retire… within months I’m wearing sweaters less and less. I think this was the first winter that I maybe put on a sweater only twice the entire season and then it was strictly due to the cold. Now, today? Just call me THE Polo Shirt Queen… er, King… um… whatever.

Q: What Internet site do you go to every day that isn’t a site that you use as a social-networking or as some kind of file-sharing site?
A: I’m the Pirate of Zzzzzz… Prepare to be bore-ded! That’s right, this is probably going to be the most boring answer ever supplied on this thread. 95% of the sites I hit each day are social networking or some form of game or game-related down-load site. Otherwise, there are only about three sites not considered a social-networking or file-sharing site that I hit religiously every day. Now that I have beaten them into privacy submission, I get my news at CNN. I also check Brea Weather. And if you check that page and see the high surf advisory for Brea (which is about 20 or 30 miles inland from the coast), don’t be confused. Look to the southwest of Brea and you will see Anaheim Island. Obviously, if we are just a few miles from an island, we must be subject to the occasional high surf. The third site, I decline to mention. And no, it’s not porn. Well… no, no… it’s NOT porn. You just don’t need to know.

Q: Werewolf or Vampire?
A: Incubus! Werewolves are smelly, bad-tempered, shed all over the place, slobber, and eat way too much red meat. Vampires are cold, sun-avoiding, misfits who drink blood. Hello. They drink blood — YOUR blood. I’m sorry I choose to neither be one nor be around those that tend to have me listed high on their dinner menu — just a personal thing. An Incubus on the other hand…! Now that is something I can get in to. Who doesn’t love sex?!?! They’re an automatic party animal. They’ll never say “no” to your advances. And they are “pros” at the most awesome, fun thing in the whole world. And let’s face it… when it all comes down to it, would you rather have someone sucking your blood or someone sucking your… um… uh… shall we just go ahead and move to the next question? :(

Q: Whenever you attend a party or a potluck, what are you famous for cooking up?
A: Brownies! I used to have “friends” at work based ONLY on my ability to make brownies. I can remember being told more than once that I was guaranteed an invite to specific parties if I promised to bring my brownies. What was silly about it all was that I used a box mix (sometimes Duncan Hines, sometimes Betty Crocker, and even Pillsbury occasionally). But it was how I made them and what I added to them… chocolate chips, walnuts, cherries, and — if I recall correctly — I used all oil instead of oil and water. The brownies were really moist and packed with all sorts of shit. I remember when I started having diabetes issues along with the weight and stopped making brownies, my friend count and party invites plummeted like Alice down the rabbit hole.

Q: Do you believe in aroma therapy?
A: I not only believe in Aroma Therapy, I also believe in Music Therapy (see also BioWaves) and many other manifestations of Holistic Medicine. I’m not talking beads and incense and dancing naked around a bonfire here (although that can be an awful lot of fun I’m told). I’m talking about practical, scientifically-backed Holistic Medicine. If everyone practiced Holistic Medicine from the start, they would end up taking a lot less prescription drugs and having fewer grave health issues. I wish I had embraced it 40 years ago — I’d be in way better health now.

July 9, 2010  Tags:   Posted in: Potpourri for $400  3 Comments

Cryptogram Poem: First Stanza

Solve the cryptograms below to find the clues for fifteen words. Solve each clue to find fifteen specific words. Place the fifteen words in the correct order in the spaces below to create the first stanza of a poem. Check out the Ultimate Solutions Page for the solution when you think you have it.

How _______ ______ the _______ ___
And _________ ______ the _____.
And ____ _____ the ____ ____ _____
The ______ ______ did _____.

CLUES…

01. Jceg bdnaikg hg h cdj vdnv ds h mksa rds jck hyj dr qkjjevq ghwk.

02. H fhgj-jkvgk jksw rds gckbbevq gdwk ieqcj hg xkii hg kzykiievq ev gdwkjcevq.

03. Hg h vdnv, jckgk hsk rdnvb ev jck dykhv ds h fksgdv’g ches. Hg h mksa, h fksgdv bdkg jceg jd gdwkdvk kigk.

04. Xckv ngkb hg h vdnv, jceg hixhug chg h fihyk dv h jhaik ds ev h addp, wdmek, ds fihu.

05. Ieqcjg, qkvengkg, hvb ebkhg hsk drjkv begyseakb hg jceg.

06. Ngevq jceg jksw rds ghij xhjks hvb gkh xhjks eg gdwkjewkg wdsk fdkjey.

07. Geikvyk, gdwk bdqg, hvb gdwk hqkg hsk pvdxv jd ak jceg.

08. H rhvyu xdsb rds skb. Jceg yink yhv qemk udn jxd mhieb hvgxksg.

09. Udn yhv qkj jcksk dv h fihvk, yiewaevq h wdnvjhev, ds au bdevq bsnqg.

10. Jck fskgkvj-jkvgk rdsw dr yink #02.

11. Xcksk udn hsk xckv udn hsk vd idvqks akidx gdwkjcevq.

12. Hg h xdnvb, jceg eg ahb. Hg h whgghqk, jceg eg qddb. Hg h jcdnqcj, jceg eg hixhug fsdrdnvb.

13. Jceg bkgyseakg jsnjc, jck gpu, hvb ghb fkdfik.

14. Jceg rsnej eg drjkv ngkb jd skfskgkvj yink #01 hvb eg pvdxv au whvu jd ak hvvduevq.

15. Hg h vdnv jcku ridhj ev jck gpu hvb hg h mksa ej hrrkyjg dns eggnkg hvb dns wevbg.

(All poems on this site are copyrighted by Phil McCrum.)

July 5, 2010  Tags: , , ,   Posted in: Games and Puzzles  No Comments

July Not So Hot Questions and Lamely Muggy Answers

Q: If you had to define yourself in reference to a famous movie star who would it be?
A: Ethel Merman gone bad.

Q: Fries or Rings?
A: Dammit. Another religious question — and one that I can’t answer definitively. I mean, fries are wonderful — hot, crisp, and salty. Island fries are my favorite healthy fry and McDonald’s is my favorite unhealthy fry. I eat them until I puke and never grow tired of them. Fries are the only food that I pile the salt on and one of the few foods I get cravings for. On the other hand, onion rings are in a class by themselves even though they are also hot, crisp, and salty. They are way more greasy and heavy and you reach your puke threshold way faster than with fries. But the taste of onion rings done right can’t be beat. And this all brings up another question. Why haven’t other fried vegetables caught on? Why not french-fried carrots or turnip rings? All this talk about french-fried things make me remember one of my tragically unfulfilled wishes — french-fried twinkees! FTW! I think I’ll find the recipe on the Internet and make some this weekend. [Deep-Fried Twinkees]

Q: What’s the biggest secret you’re hanging on to right now?
A: Um… okay. I’m going to type this real slow. If I get ahead of your brain flow, let me know. I’ll can also put it in big crayola font if you need the extra help. A secret, you clueless moron , by it’s definition dictates that you don’t tell people what it is. If you do tell people what it is, then it’s not a secret. If you still don’t get a clue, then let me know and I’ll break out the jumbo multi-colored flash cards.

Q: If you had the power and resources to add a place or structure or service to your city what would it be?
A: Miniature golf. I am not sure how we can even classify ourselves as a first-rate country when there are countless towns across the continent devoid of even the smallest, ramshackle miniature golf course. Global warming and unemployment pale in comparison to this unfathomable omission. Seriously, I would love to see a return to the good old fashion miniature golf course complex with two or three courses, video machine rooms, pool tables, and maybe even a go-cart complex. I know we have one in Puente Hills (I think) and Anaheim Hills (or there abouts), and I vaguely remember one out towards Norco. But those are way too far away and not convenient. I think one in Brea would be a perfect addition to Brea. And let’s put an A&W Drive-thru and Car-Hop right smack next to it!

Q: If you were a breakfast cereal, what would you be?
A: Breakfast cereal… that’s so limiting. I want to be something that gets people to tipping me over and getting in my box hour after hour. Granola with Raisins, Dates, and Pecans — because I’m a robust, heavy, and natural kind of guy. Eat me. Right out of the box. Because people dipping their hands into my box throughout the day makes my granola clusters all moist and gooey!

July 1, 2010  Tags:   Posted in: Potpourri for $400  One Comment

June’s Final Embarassment as Host of Q&A…

Q: Which classic fairy tale character do you relate to?
A: Looking at my body and personality, the obvious character will be Quasimodo. Ugly as sin and twice as wide, stupid as lump of pudding, and a constant source of revilement to all that know me. However, IMHO, looking at me spiritually, I’d say the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Poignant, no? Raise your hand if you went “Aw, how sweet!” Raise both hands if you went “Aw, shit what a deluded idiot!”

Q: Are you getting into the vuvuzela craze?
A: No. Not really. But thinking out of the box (or ‘oot’ of the box if you’re Canadian) whenever I accidentally fart loudly in public now I wave my hand and cry “Yes! I play the vuvuzela!” and grin like an idiot. It appears to fool everyone every time!

Q: Fetus or Festus?
A: Um… WTF?

Q: What’s the funniest book you’ve ever read?
A: I can’t narrow it down to one book, nor do I have to since this is MY blog. Neener Neener Jelly Beaner! “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” by Douglas Adams was the funniest thing I had ever read up until about five years ago. It’s quite famous and a BBC series and a movie were made about it — along with lots of useless merchandising items. (It was a trilogy that found it’s way to being a quintet and I believe a sequel even to that was published a year or two ago). But then I discovered Terry Pratchett and his Discworld series. I think he’s up to about novel #537 now (okay, maybe 33?). His books have a lot of the same type of humor that Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker Series had. Like Adams, Pratchett leaves nothing sacred as he pokes fun at the entire universe. I was particularly found of “Unseen Academicals”, “Making Money”, and “Going Postal”. It’s ironic that these are relatively newer books in the series — Pratchett is getting better with each new novel.

Q: Would you pose nude for money?
A: Would it cause more uproar, speculation, controversy (and horror) if I said “Yes” or if I said “I already have”? Would people think less of me if I said “Hell, I’d pose nude for a frickin’ Hershey Milk Chocolate Bar” or if I said “Oh, hell…. here (removing all my clothes)… start clicking — I don’t need no stinkin’ money”? A question more important to most would be “How much money would people give me to keep all my clothes on?”

June 27, 2010  Tags:   Posted in: Potpourri for $400  3 Comments